I was only a couple of days into my new job in Poornam. Just like any other fresher, I was very nervous when I got stuck in a bug . I tried all arrows in my quiver and finally decided to consult with my team lead. My team lead was a lady by the name, Lachu.
I stood two steps behind her chair and waited for attention . Sensing someone behind her, she turned her chair and with a questioning face asked “yes ? Honey....!! ”
I don't remember the doubt I asked her that evening . I don't remember whether my issue was solved or not . But after almost 8 years , I still remember the tone with which she said that word , “honey …!”
That same evening I phoned Arun, my friend from college, to give an update about my new company and work. I finished the news update with a complaint.
“Da , my team lead called me 'honey' in front of others. She also called me “sweetheart” in front of team members.”
“So?”
“SO ?????? You are asking me 'So' ??? Don't u get it ? My team lead is a gal and she called me 'honey' in public.!!!”
I studied in a boy's school where there was no chance of talking with gals . Like Amar says about his school days, if you see a pink color dress moving on the road outside the school gates, every eyes would be on it. In college , gals were marginalized. The female friends never addressed anyone using the words dear or sweet-heart in public. “Dear” was only seen in letters and greeting cards. “Sweet heart” seen only on gift-wrappers and heart shaped stickers which you stick on greeting cards, letters and small gifts.
And then came my new company Poornam , where a gal addressed me with such 'special' words in public and that too very freely. Though I did whine about it to my friend initially, I started actually liking it when Lachu addressed me with those beautiful words. All my tensions used to melt away when she asks, “yes dear, tell me... whats your issue ?”
Lachu uses those words to address anyone and everyone. All it requires is, she should be in lighter mood and the recipient should not have done anything wrong. If the second criteria does not satisfy, Lachu uses words that are diagonally opposite in meaning to convey her irritation. She carries her heart on her sleeves and in this case , on her tongue too.
Time flew past and a lot happened over the next couple of years. Lachu got married to an ex-colleague of ours. I became a team-lead myself. Lachu left to join her hubby . And she left behind the words “dear” , “sweetheart” .. in my mind.
I remember that everyone around me , always treated those words with virginal purity. Coming from a conservative background, I too felt that thats the way it should be. That was when Lachu happened in my life. Early twenties is the age when every individual start shaping their personal values and ideologies. I went into a dilemma as I wasn't sure which way I should take. To treat those words with so much reverence that you almost never use it or to go Lachu way. Finally Lachu's way won. The decision was not made after any in-depth study of human psychology. It was a conclusion that came out of personal emotions and experience. I felt good , when I was addressed using the words “dear” and “sweet-heart” by a lady. It should have the same impact on others too. Few clauses where added to bring in clarity in mind. It should not be used for any personal gains or dubious intentions. And most important, it should come straight from the heart...Dil Se...
It took me some effort to use the words in my daily vocab, as deep inside I was still that conservative kid from southern most part of Kerala. In my small world, expressions of love goes almost unnoticed. Neither visible to human eyes nor audible to be ears. Its conveyed through those small deeds like buying groceries for mom and helping dad wash the car. Or just by sitting together for having the meals. Hugging and kissing on cheek are a strict no-no after you reach your perceived status of grown up. ( for most people, that usually happens towards the end of teens ) Amar once asked me whether I've ever called up mom and said that I love her . I have never done that. There are no apt words in malayalam (my mother tongue ) to convey something as simple as “Mom, I love you.” . Years flew by pretty fast. Lachu became a mom. Poornam grew to 300 people. I completed 7 years in the company . 'Dear' and 'sweetheart' comes naturally for me, in my day-to-day talks.
Once in a while, I face someone who takes the freedom to say , “please don't address me like that” or asks, “What were you thinking when you called me 'dear' ?”. I tried to explain but then remembered my phone call to Arun after the first encounter with Lachu. Perhaps , now I was in the role of Lachu for these new kids. Explanation are of no use. An individual's thought process is rooted to the culture and unwritten social code-of-conducts. It takes a lot of guts and clarity of thoughts to break the rules.
Lachu, I have never said this before. You are such a 'sweetheart' and I love you for what you did to me. “I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Maya Angelou quotes (American Poet, b.1928)
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I love it when
y u havn't called me 'dear' or 'sweeeet Heart' even once 
