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Its my life
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Friday, 15 August 2008 15:05 |
I asked Robert to leave early for conference , so that I could spend some time with myself. My presentation was reviewed by Neetu for a final time. I chewed on the Italian Sub , while scrolling through the presentation. Its all set. Got up and put on the new suit and cufflings. I took out the tie and then decided against wearing it. Chicago is warm enough and one can live without a tie. I looked at the large mirror in our suite. There are three large mirrors in each rooms of Intercontinental Hotel and I checked myself out in all of them. Yup, I am looking smart. Slowly a smile blossomed on my face .
The mirror had a question on the top . "Am I smart ?" . The 14 year old me was looking at the reflection on the mirror. I couldnt look any more smarter. The short hair is literally standing up on the head, even after I drenched it in hair oil. Both white shirt & white pants are looking as crisp as possible. My housemate, Manu B C , shares the same birthday as me. And today we are sharing the same mirror and then the same stage. We didnt have much time to enjoy the smartness of our dressing. Though we were only in 8th standard, we had a responsible job in hand. Without wasting more time, we started running to the auditorium. Babu sir, our house-master met us behind the stage. He said , "Do well . !! Put up a good show." He wished us luck and went to his seat. We could hear the junior 6th standard kids sweating it out on the stage. I made sure that I've everything set. Damn !! I have not taken my script. Well, the script paper was not of any importance because I've been playing the entire speech again and again for last two weeks. Even if someone woke me up from sleep and asked, I could repeat the whole script.
Michael was talking to Robert, when I reached the conference hall in Navy Pier. Seeing my weak smile , Mike said , "You look scared, man. Don't worry. You are going to do well. Just make sure that you speak slowly." I nodded in agreement. Rahul came and asked me what time my talk is at. He promised that he'll come for my talk.
Manu is a fair guy, but he had almost turned pale white. Just before we were to get seated on stage, he told me "Man, I'm sooo tensed. I've turned cold". I touched his hands and yes, its like holding an ice tray. I told him not to worry. We are going to do a good show. We've done so much practise that I was confident about our victory. Each house was represented by 2 people. One person speaking "for" and the other "against" the motion. Manu, who speaks for the motion, was selected to talk first. That automatically gave me the last slot amongst 8 speakers. One way, it is good. I can listen to all 7 speakers before I speak against the motion. The topic for debate was , "Vyavasaya unnathi aanu , paristhithi samrakshanathekkal mukhyam. " ( Industrial growth is more important than environmental safety for a better tommorow ). It was more or less an open-n-shut case. I knew it that people are going to vote against the motion.
I reached Hall 307 above the exhibit hall atleast an hour before my scheduled talk. But for few Hostingcon organizers , the lobby and hall was empty. Brady helped me setup the laptop. I just didnt want to leave any stone unturned. I stood at the podium and looked at all the empty chairs. Within few minutes these chairs will have people seated on it. People from different parts of the world.
The 600+ audience was all ears when Manu opened the debate. Manu started his 5 minute talk , exactly as he had practised before me. I have heard him umpteen number of times , so it was no different on stage. Then the rest of the speakers started talking one after another . I used the time to rehearse my talk in mind.
"Next we've the last speaker of the day, Sojish , who will speak against the motion"
I stood up and walked steadily to the podium and I could hear the audience clapping. There was extra loud clapping from one side of the auditorium, which I know is where my house-mates are seated. I started with a pinch of sarcasm on what Manu talked, just as I had practised infront of my house many times. The african-american lady asked if its okay to leave the door open for another 5 minutes. I told her yes, and then started the talk. The crowd was big enough for a talk on the final day. Only face that I could recognize is of Sandip Gupta. A few people were trickling in when I moved on to my second slide.
I moved onto explain, why I am against the day's motion. Next I talked about those points which built the foundation of my arguments. I expressed how pitty I feel about my worthy opponents who spoke for the motion. The right hand actually showed my offerings of pitty to them. And then.... I stopped. Words simply stopped flowing out of my brain.
Damn. .!!! I should have taken my script with me to refer to. Heart-beat sounded louder and my eye sight blurred. I felt as if the entire audience is rotating and the hall was turning dark and grey.My body began shivering and tears started rolling up into my eyes.
But no words came into my mouth. My throat had never felt so dry and salty.
I saw someone amongst the teachers , showing me with his hands to continue. I tried hard to visualise the script paper in mind. And when I could see it, I turned the tattered pages in my mind, as clock ticked on. I might have been stuck for 60 seconds, but that was like eternity. Somehow I got the word I was searching for and from their on I started babbling loud. My body was as stiff as a dead log, but that was last thing I worried about.
Chairman pressed the bell, when I over-shot the time but that was nothing I was listening to. All I wanted was to reach the last word of my speech. When it was over I rushed back to my seat. I couldnt feel or think anything. I suddenly felt blank about what happened out there. Perhaps, this is what doctors call "Post Trauma Shock" .
Results were read out within 10 minutes. Manu was adjudged first. I clapped. Amongst the 4 houses, ours was adjudged the last. I did not need any explanation for that , but I felt nothing. We all walked out of the stage. Babu sir came and said something to console me, but I was a walking log by then. I failed my house and most importantly I failed myself.
Nice thing about Sainik School, was that we never got much time to worry about our mistakes. Next day was a totally different day with a totally different set of adventures. Manu became one of the best orators our school had ever seen, going to on to win many competitions. Once , during a south zone inter school competition , chief judge was Hridayakumari ( author herself and sister of poet SugathaKumari ) . She remarked that Manu adds a lot of energy and passion into the words that when he addresses the moderator, "Mr Chairman", moderator actually gets scared. Manu was adjudged first in that competition too. Last time I heard him speak was just 2 months back , and he still has that aura. Just listen to his speech and you can see his heart in his words.
As far as my story goes, I never got on a stage for atleast 2 years after that episode. And never ever in life for a competition. During my 11th and 12th standard, I did give prepared speeches during assembly. Somewhere down the line , my confidence slowly came up. But I will never forget that day when I got stuck half way through the speech. Because, that was my first public address. And it turned out to be one - major - debacle.
The attendees clapped their hands and few of them came to the podium to congratulate me. Someone asked to replay the slides so that he can take photos of them. Mr Fritsch wanted to discuss few finer points and asked if he could walk with me out. I closed my laptop and along with it ended my first international talk.
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