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May 1998,
It was a hot summer morning , when four of us boarded the train from Trivandrum Central Railway station. Thema and myself were in high spirit , since it was the first time we were going to Northern part of India. Vikas and Akki were more or less tensed about the reason behind the trip . We were going to Bhopal to attend SSB interview , which is the gateway to military life. After undergoing military training for 7 years in Sainik School , we are going for the test that'll determine our future.
All of us looked forward to the interview, as if its the last piece of straw in our life . If we pass , our life is made . Or else , we'll be left to fight in streets of still unknown civilian world. Another common thing in 4 of us was sheer confidence that was instilled into us by our school life and our teachers. With that confidence and determination we boarded the train for SSB . SSB ( Service Selection Board ) Interview follows age old techniques to select the candidates. The interview lasts for 5 days during which ,we'll be staying in a military campus. We'll be treated like officers right from the moment we land in the campus, though in reality we're just candidates for interview. Every worker in the campus , no matter how aged he is, will address us as "Saab" ( Master ). That gives a nice feeling , especially for 18 year old kids like us. It was such feelings , that helped us keep our heads and spirits high , even when Bhopal was blistering at 45o c. On day one , we all were lined up together along with the 70 other aspirants from different parts of India . The sight of macho looking Punjabis and aggressive looking Biharis took away half of whatever confidence I had. Standing between two of them , I might have looked like a cycle crushed between two trucks. I saw Akki having an animated conversation with the guy standing near him. That reminded me that I was also taught by my school to talk with other candidates when you go for interview. With all the courage that was left in me , I painted a smile on my face and started talking with the Bihari . But somehow , no sound came from my mouth. It could have been the fiery look on his eyes , or the sight of biceps as thick as my thighs. We were assigned our chest numbers which would be our name for next 5 days . I remember sticking the no. 46 on my white shirt. Walking back to our dormitory, all four of us where smiling and talking cheerfully as if we were sure to pass this SSB. Only I felt the heart beating a little harder. For next 3 days we would spend jumping and pumping through the obstacle courts for various tests . There was a lot of other tests too like Thematic Appreciation Test (TAT), Test of Personality Situation Reaction Test (SRT), Word Association Test (WAT) etc. The best thing about every day's test was that it gets over by noon . Afternoon was for us to spend . After the first days test we went to Bhopal town , and had food from Indian Coffee House . I remember Thema fighting over a rotti while we were conversing in Malayalam. We thought nobody would understand us , but the waiter promptly came and helped us. He was a malayalee . Next day while me and Akki where coming back from the test , the military cook gave us the news. Thema is hospitalized. He started puking while waiting for his Interview. Of all the people , Thema . The bravest , and coolest guy got sick before entering for Interview. Probably he got tensed. I felt sorry for him. Afternoon we 3 went to the hospital in a military truck to meet the ill fated one. They dropped us en route and said ,"Saab , take the road to left and go just 1 furlong to reach the MEG ( military engineering group ) hospital". None among us knew how much a "Furlong" is . With the desire to meet poor Thema , and the curiosity to find out how much a "Furlong" is , we decided to walk . At every junction when we ask for the hospital route, they say "Saab , just go 1 furlong " . Very soon we realized that this 1 Furlong is more than 2 hours of walking. Even now, I'm not sure how long is furlong . !! Once we saw Thema , we were surprised. He was looking soo happy in the bed and on seeing us started talking in English. "He cant be ill ", I thought. He was insisting that we leave asap before it gets dark. It took us a while to understand the reason . There was a beautiful nurse, who is looking after him. And she and Thema were the only malayalees in that hospital . Now we understood , why he talks to us in English and his eagerness to see us off . He was playing a lonely officer's role in the hospital bed . That was the last time rest of us saw Thema in Bhopal. The very next day I was doing by Group test , when I fell sick. (No , this is not a false sickness to see the nurse ) . Unfortunately I recovered fast enough, that nobody took me to hospital . But the recovery was slow enough to prevent myself from giving my best for group test. On the last day I had my interview which again went OK. On the last day , we will have our closing ceremony . The day will start with entire 74 candidates , packing their bags and lining them near the trucks. Then we all sit in the auditorium for the function to begin. The interview in charge , the only officer who enters the stage would give a culmination speech . And then reads out the list of chest numbers who are selected . Those who are selected stands up ... and the rest go out takes their bag and get onto the truck. Everything happens in less than 1 hour . But that one hour would feel like a life-time for every candidate present in that hall. No matter how good or bad you performed during the past few days, your heart will be beating bad enough. While the chest numbers are being read out , you need to strain your ears or else the numbers may get drowned in the sound of heart beats. Our closing ceremony also was no different. The Officer-in-charge gave a diplomatic speech and his closing lines were "A failure in SSB is not a failure in life...It just means that your skills are not what defense is looking for . You will excel in other fields of life other than defense."
Then he started reading out the chest numbers. Akki's number was called and he stood up . We all clapped but my heart was pounding louder. And then it happened . Officer-in-charge bypassed my number . "Hey , you forgot to read my number", I shouted . But nobody heard it. It took me only few seconds to see the reality . I've failed . I've failed in the SSB interview. ...... All those who failed with me walked out of the hall . I picked up my bag and placed it inside the truck and said final bye to Akki . I didn't know whether to smile or cry . While getting on to the truck I felt tear drops sliding down my cheek . I've failed in the first test of my life . As if the failure in interview was not enough , we were stripped off our "officer" considerations once we got into the truck .The same jawans who were calling us "Saab" till an hour ago , were using choicest abuses for not sitting in line on the truck's floor. That put the final knife into my chest . May 2005 , 7 years passed since the whole thing happened . Everyone might want to know where all the four kids are now .  |  | Vikki, please send me a pic of yours |  | Akki
Lt Akhilesh Menon
: Passed NDA in flying colors .. Joined NAVY .. and is currently the ADC to Goa Governor. | Thema
Kiran Thomas
: Passed BTech with difficulty ... joined Subex Technologies... and is constantly flying between Arab countries and India . Currently he is based in Banglore. | Vikki
Sub-Lt K A Vikas
: Persisted on his desire to join defense and got his sub-lieutenant stripes on 1st Jan 2005. Currently doing his course in lonavla ( near pune). | Me
Sojish Krishnan
: Passed BTech without much difficulty ... joined Poornam Info Vision.. and is currently based in Kochi. |
It took me sometime to accept the SSB failure . But looking back now , I understood the real meaning of what the officer-in-charge told on the final day ... "A failure in SSB is not a failure in life" . I have failed many a times after SSB. And everytime I fail I tell myself .. "A failure in something , is not a failure in everything". I have interviewed a lot of candidates for my present company, Poornam Info Vision . Some get through, some don't . But I always prefer to use the same lines of that Officer , when I wind up the interview . "A failure in something , is not a failure in life ".
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